margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
