I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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