You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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