Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
