New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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