How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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