I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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