I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
