So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
