Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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