Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
