i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
