Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
