enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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