Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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