yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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