She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize