But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
