Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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