I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
