at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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