Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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