He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
