I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
