I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
