good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
