Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
