My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
