I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
no, he came in my armpit
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
