life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
