I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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