Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
