I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
