Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
