I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
