Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
