why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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