My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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