No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
