it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
