i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
