just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
