its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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