You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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