Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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