my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
