It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
