the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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