I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
