My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
