Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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