I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
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