Nicole vs. Life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize