On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
