Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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