I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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