dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize