I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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