Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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