The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize