no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
