I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
