dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
