fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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