my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
