I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
