She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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