So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
