dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
