Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
