I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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