Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
