i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
